This is my first blog and I am excited to begin rambling…
I have six weeks before I go on a very important trip which could decide the rest of my life and there are some major changes to be made in these 45 days.
Countless number of times I have tried to make changes in my life and countless number of times I have failed. I wonder, am I being unrealistic, am I being too hard on myself. But I cant go on like this. I have panic attacks, I compare myself to people, everything from going out to meeting friends has become difficult because I feel inadequate, I feel not good enough to have a relationship physically and mentally or going out and having fun. I look for people’s approval. I am emotionally scarred and dont know what to do. I feel like I am stuck in a rut.
There is so much going on in my head right now that I do not know where to begin and what I need to change so I am going to try and break it down.
1) I really really desperately want to lose weight. 6Kgs in the next 6 weeks and I will happy. This seems pretty doable and I have checked that it is except I feel like I am stuck. I try really hard for 2 days excersing really well and eating well and then something happens and I give up. Stress at work, feeling unwell, feeling extremely hungry or just feeling frustrated. Sometimes I just look at my flaws and how I have let myself go and I just want to give up and not bother. But I have been hurt, hurt by people just because I put on a little weight or more. I feel frustrated, I really want to lose weight but I really dont know how and where to start but I do know what I need to do. I do have all the things that I need to lose weight.
2) I really really hate my job and I just cant wake up and feel excited about getting out of bed to go to work. every moment I am at work I think about going home or waiting for the weekend. I hate and loathe each and every day of my work. But it pays my bills. It gives me the life that I live right now, the money in my bank account and most of all it lets me live in the country where I currently live as a migrant worker, I should have more loyalty and likeness to the place I work at and the kind of work I do. There are many opportunities to grow and learn but I just dont seem to keep the switch on. I try really hard but I just cant help but hate my job. I really dont know what to do.
3) I hate my life and I hate myself: I dont have my finances under control, I dont know whats happening in the world, I have a fat ass with stretchmarks, no guy ever seems to like me, every guy I meet seems to look for some flaw in me, either I am too fat or my hair is out of place or I just have too many dark circles. I am always rushing everywhere. I never have any solid plans. I cancel last minute. I am scared to drive and I have no hobbies or creativity that I can work on. I feel like an utter loser. To top it all my past reminds me of my past which kills me inside. I have made some horrible decisions in the past that I am really not proud about. I feel lonely and useless. I see everyone around me have opinions and have it all under controll except me
After having vented enough to myself and others and finding no solace or solutions, I have decided to depend on myslef.
I looked into a few life coaches and after having looked at how superficial they can be I have decided to coach my lyfe.
stay tuned to see how I coach my lyfe to being better in the next 6 weeks